Seven Days, One's Weak
by TALK HARD
Summary: Jay wouldn't let Emma walk away that easily. He asked her to think it over for a week. What will happen after the seven days are up? Will Emma stick with her decision to break up with Jay? Or will they stay together?
1. Prologue

A/n:

This is a new Jemma I've been working on. The idea just came to me one day while reading Fourth Comings (Megan McCafferty). The story is in no way based on the book, and the plot line is completely different. I did, however, use the idea that Emma would write a journal to Jay for every day of the week. The story is completely finished, so I will post a chapter a day. Along with a chapter of my other story, 'Something Real', as you see I've been working hard. And I'm trying to write to the best of my ability, so please, if it sucks, tell me. I'm not going to stop writing, but I'll work on it more! Thanks! Enjoy (:

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Prologue:

You were waiting for that reaction out of me. That biological reaction where my knees shook, my pupils dilated, my breathing slowed, and my heart, my heart raced. The sad thing was, I did feel that. You always made me that way, feeling embarrassed, shocked, self-conscious, happy, and sad at the same time. You always had that with me, and it will never go away. But I can't, I just can't. Had I still been the Emma from grade 7 who dreamed of a soul-mate and a proposal on one knee, I would have jumped for the offer. But I couldn't. I had to force myself to stop, force myself to walk out that door, and never look back. It had to be done; our relationship in general was draining, despite how we felt. It seems like all I do is make you mad, make you regret ever getting together with me. I can't stop thinking about Alex from high school, yes, lesbian Alex. She should be the one you're with, you guys had this connection. You just fit, like the pieces of the puzzle. But us, we're like trying to jam together to corner pieces, it's just not going to fit. But before I end this relationship, I have to keep my promise. That I would give it one week. I don't know why you asked for it, but I'm not going to take this back. Jay, I hope you know that I love you. I always will, regardless of what happens. So before I walk away, here's 7 days. Seven days to think about everything we went through, and everything that's been going on. Seven days to talk to people about how they feel. Seven days. I feel like the girl in the ring.


	2. Day One

-xxx-

Day One-

PAST.

We were doomed from the beginning, Jay. I met you when my step-father was dying of cancer. Thankfully, he is still alive. But at the time, I was lost. I guess I was always just a lost cause, maybe that's why I felt the need to make everything my cause. If I focus on someone or something else, it takes away from myself. Anyway, I was dating Sean Cameron. And everyone thought we were soul mates. (Oh the irony there, don't you see, if we were soul mates, if such a thing as soul mates existed, we would still be together. But I digress) Sean Cameron was my "knight in shining denim". In seventh grade, he walked into homeroom and when Snake asked him to tell the class about himself, he simply shrugged and replied "No". No one wanted anything to do with Sean Cameron, but I found that soft side in him. That side that was loving and compassionate and caring and we had a little thing. Until he decided it was more important to fight Jimmy Brooks, and when I tried to stop the fight, I was pushed to the ground. I think my heart broke for the first time that day. But eventually, Sean and I decided to give it another go. Then you came into the picture. You were this hardcore type of kid who didn't take shit from anyone. You were all over Alex, you're girlfriend at the time, and you guys trashed me every time I talked to Sean. It hurt me, but I pretended it didn't. I was a girl in high school, of course those words were going to hurt. I'm not made of steel. But anyway, eventually you "converted Sean" (as I used to put it), and he dumped me. We had this huge fight in the middle of school, and I called him pathetic. But I thought, maybe Jay will stop making fun of me now, since I'm no longer occupying his best friend. But really? You just got worse. And I hope you know I'm not writing this all to make you feel like shit, and this isn't the reason why I want to end things. I don't want to end things at all Jay, but I need to. So we fought, and threw harsh remarks around. And then, you had the nerve to steal from a man dying of cancer. It still makes me angry to think about that sometimes, but I know you've made up for it. So I will not hold it against you. Anyway, I accused you and went to the principal, but you're not dumb so why would you have the evidence in your car. In the end, I ended up getting humiliated in front of the whole school, and blah blah blah. The end. Right, no? So then Rick came alone, Rick. He was a psychopath, and sometimes, I'm really thankful that you pushed him over the edge. I would never dream of admitting that, because I hated you for the longest time, I couldn't sleep at night because I saw him holding that damn gun. And the sleeping pills? They just made things worse. But atleast… atleast he couldn't have done anything else, who knows. Had it not been for the tar-and-feathering incident causing him to bring the gun, would he have killed me later on? Would I be writing this to you, my love? So Sean, who I wasn't even dating, up and left. And I was alone once again. I ended up in the ravine one night, and you were sitting there. You never seemed to be in pain, and I wanted to feel that for once. I wanted to become numb. And that night, I experienced more than that. I experienced sexual want, and desire. For that moment, I felt powerful, watching you writher and moan against my mouth and my hand. I was in control of someone else's emotions. I would walk down the hall as you made out with Alex, but you would always look at me long enough for me to notice. For me, to be driven crazy. Did you know how mad I was over you that time? I guess so. Maybe you're intentions weren't pure, or maybe they were. I would have never found out because then, then I found out you gave me gonorrhea. That was when I knew I had to break things off with you. Jay Hogart only caused me pain and misery, I told myself. But it wasn't entirely true. I had developed some feelings for you, and I hated to see you with Alex, or Amy. Sometimes, I dreamed it was me in Alex's position, being thrust into the lockers to divulge in a passionate lip-lock. Then you left, well you were forced out. I thought I would never see you again, my days of lusting, and liking Jay Hogart were finished. But were they really?

I had a bad feeling when I woke up this morning. It felt like I always felt when I was losing someone, but I refused to believe this. I have to be strong, I have to make this work. After 6 days, I will be free of you. So why aren't I happy? I went to visit Manny today, we walked too a little café by her studio.

"You don't look so good, Em. Is something wrong, did you and Jay have another fight" she asked, trying to sooth me.  
How predictable have we become when my own best friend sees my gloomy mannar as us having another fight. Should we be subjected to live like this? It's not healthy Jay. All we ever do is fight. And it's never over anything important. We fight over you leaving the toilet seat up, over me forgetting to pick up 2% milk, it's just not worth it.

"No, Manny, Jay and I didn't have another fight," I unintentionally sighed,

"Okay" Manny drug out, rolling her eyes, "did someone kick Eggers? Because you've got that whole 'someone just kicked my dog' sad look on your face"

Eggers, you always loved him, didn't you? What could I say, I was crazy about the little guy. He was a great dog, loyal, sure he barked, and caused some trouble. He'd steal my socks, but he loved me, unconditionally.

"I'm breaking up with Jay at the end of this week" I announced, stiring my coffee.

Manny spit out her mocha latee all over me,

"Manny!" I screamed, grabbing a napkin and wiping it off.

Were you right or were you right? I could never just chill when things happened. I had to fuss about them. It's just some coffee right, what's the big deal? Well to me, it was a big deal.

"Emma, no, why?" Manny gasped dramatically.

So, I couldn't help but wonder how you and Manny didn't end up together. She's hot, and you're hot. She's more laid back than I'll ever be. And she could whip you into shape.

"Cut the acting, Manny. It's not working out" I sighed, dabbing the remainder of the coffee off my new jacket.

Manny stared at me as if I had grown three heads, "Not working out? Emma, you and Jay, are like .. Spike and Snake, or… Joey and Caitlin, If you're not together, then what does that mean for the rest of us?"

Any other day, I could handle Manny and her melodramatics, but today was a bad enough day to begin with.

"You had to see this coming. All we do is fight, it's draining. And I can't help but think I'm making him miserable"

Manny went silent, for once in her life, I guess I had really shocked her, "Listen, Manny. Nothing is final until the end of the week. I promised him that much"

And I did. When I went to your work to explain that I needed to free myself from the chasm we had dug ourselves into, you had looked me in the eye and said, "Emma, I love you, atleast, just think about this. We can make it work. Give me atleast a week"

And I obliged.

"Emma, are you kidding me. You're like the only reason Jay ever smiles. He's madly in love with you! And you are madly in love with him! Couples who are madly in love, stay madly in love, so stop acting coco bananas and just stay with Jay forever and make little Jemma's"

This conversation was really getting to me, and I didn't want it to. I needed to believe that I could free myself from you with ease. Sometimes when were having sex, and I mean hot passionate sex, you look at me, and we connect eyes as if to say, "this is real, this moment is real, and we are in reality, together" but lately, I haven't been there. Even as I'm hitting my mind-blowing, teeth chattering orgasms you bring me to, I haven't felt it. It's like the ravine, but worse. And believe me, I never wanted that.

"Manny, I have to go help Spike with something I'll see you later" and with that, I gave her a huge hug, and let a single tear escape from my eye before wiping it away with a force faster than the windshield wiper on your old civic, and got in my car and went home.

My phone rang four times in the last hour, and it was all you. I know I gave you a week. But I just can't talk to you. I need to think about myself first, for once Jay. I'm feeling lost lately, and you've been trying. But it's just going to have to end. Don't worry, you'll find another girl as soon as you know it.

I see the way the women look at you when they come in the garage. You think all girls wear tiny miniskirts to get their oil checked on? When you walk up to the desk, they press their chests against the desk as if it were a victoria's secret maximum push up bra. It's really sad, because half the time, I wanted to walk up and bitch slap them, or walk up and slide my tongue in your mouth, kissing you with a mouth gapping wider than when I'm at the dentist. But once again, I digress. Regardless, you'll find a girl. One who won't argue about whether the cleaning supplies your using are environmentally friendly, one who won't write in a gay journal when she feels like breaking up with you. One that won't love you as much as I do, but will come close.

-Emma.


	3. Day Two

Day Two-

I was dating a guy named Peter. Peter was the typical momma's boy, he was self-loving asshole who cared for himself, and his mother. He treated me like shit, and he was even worse to Manny, going as far as videotaping her drunk and naked. Peter took me to this party, where he obviously wasn't invited to. And as soon as we got there he started to pick a fight with the host. You were sitting on the couch, and I was sitting opposite you in the love seat, (interesting furniture choice). I was drinking quite a bit to pass the time, but surprisingly, you weren't drinking. You looked distant, as distant as I have been feeling lately. The words started coming like word vomit. As you sat across from me, I screamed, "why couldn't you ever have wanted me?". You looked up shocked, and scanned the room, as if to see if anyone else was around. (For someone who drank so much, I'll never know why my memory was so clear. Maybe because it was a life changing night). When you realized it was you who I was talking to you, you shook your head, "Emma, go home. This isn't the type of party for you, or that pretty boyfriend of yours". But I insisted on knowing, I slurred each and every word, "All I wanted was you last year, but you could never want me. Tell me why" You ran your hand over your face, and attempted to speak, but then stopped, you grabbed my hand and led me outside.

I cried, "where are you taking me?" I was a drunken mess, but you just groaned and put me in the front seat of your civic. You drove me straight home, and placed me in my room. You kissed me and -. No that wasn't what happened at all. You got off the couch and walked away, I sat up and saw you talk to peter. Next thing I know Peter was taking me home, and putting me to bed. It was a nice thing, but I couldn't figure out why you couldn't have just gave me an answer, or why you were nice enough to have my boyfriend drive me home, instead of you. Maybe to not cause problems between Peter and I? I'll never forget that, Jay. But that would be our last encounter, had it not been for Manny. Manny had been dating Spinner, and she decided to throw him a birthday party. For some reason she invited you. And there I was, scared, embarrassed, and nauseous, I couldn't even begin to think of what I would say to you. I probably tucked my hair behind my ear a million times, smoothed out the wrinkle in my shirt a thousand, and slide my rings on and off a hundred. Another party where someone got to drunk to stand, but this time it wasn't me. It was Spin; and I, you, and Manny carried him upstairs. When we were walking downstairs, after leaving Manny to care for Spin, you looked at me and said, "I did". I was so confused, and by the time I figured out what you meant, you were out the door and driving away in the car. But I couldn't just let it go, could I? No, I had to show up at your house uninvited and unwelcome to talk to you. I knocked on the door and you opened, your eyebrow furrowed, but still you let me come in. I sat on the couch, and you refused to look at me, instead you were watching some movie about guns, and drugs, and action. Finally I got up the courage to speak, "you wanted me?". You closed your eyes and sighed, before mumbling something I couldn't understand. I looked at you and asked what you had said. "Goddamn it Emma! Of course I wanted you, but you were Cameron's girl, like I said at the play, you had virtue and I couldn't fuck with that anymore". I should have listened to you and walked away, but instead I kissed you. And we spent the rest of the day kissing, and kissing, and kissing, and feeling, and craving, and we almost made love. As soon as I reached for your boxers you pushed me, "this isn't right" you said, and I knew what I had to do. I had to dump Peter.

It's 6 in the morning and I'm up. I don't know why, I went to bed at one in the morning, last night. I stayed up last night to watch some movies. They were okay, the one you would have liked. There was a lot of action, and a whole lot of pot. I've been thinking, and I absolutely shouldn't anymore. It's just making me doubt my decision. You have to understand something Jay, promise me that you will. I don't want to break up with you, I want to be with you. But I can't. It's just not going to work. We aren't right for each other anymore, no matter how much we may love another.

I want to go out today, it beats staying home. But why? I'm just going to be reminded of you. As of now, I'm not mentioning you anymore. What should I do today? I need to get out, I need to stay busy. I know I'm supposed to be thinking, but I don't want to. I don't want to regret this. I want to stay true to my word, but how can I?

I walked through the snow to the dot. Did you ever notice how beautiful Toronto looks when it is covered in a sheet of perfect, white snow? Stunning.

So as I enter the dot, Spinner is there waving his hand and grinning a goofy grin.

"Hello and welcome to the dot, how may I help you?" He says, trying to act business like. I can't help but laugh and shake my head from side to side while ordering a coffee.

As I'm drinking my coffee he walks up to me,

"Em, you know, he's a mess" Spinner states, confirming my worst fears. This is supposed to be easy, Jay. It's not supposed to be hard.

"Spin, it's for the best" I repeat the line.

Spinner looks at me as if Frank the Bunny had suddenly appeared and sat next to me, "You're crazy. And I mean that in the nicest way possibly, Emma. But you and Jay, you're meant to be"

What is with this meant to be crap? If there was such a thing as soul mates then why do more than half of married couples fail, people cheat on each other, or people are able to find a new mate after their loved one dies. Think about it, there's billions of people, wouldn't it make sense to be compatible with more than one? Remember that Jay, it'll help you find a new girl.

"Jay's one of my best friends. And you did a complete 360 on him"

360? A 360 would mean you are back exactly where you started from. Well, maybe that's for the better, I mean, you are who you are.

"Uh, Spin. A 360 is a circle, meaning you're back exactly where you started"

Spin now looked at me like Frank the Bunny was braiding my hair into pigtails, "Emma, that just doesn't make sense. Anyway, Jay loves you, dude. Don't do this to him"

I'm not doing anything for you, either, so, it's for the better.

"Listen Emma, I know you're pretty hardheaded" He said, tapping the side of my head, "but I think we both know you shouldn't dump Jay" and with that, he stood up, grabbed his tray and returned behind the counter.

I was left, his words resonating in my head. How could someone as clueless as Spinner make horribly truth filled sense? What is this world coming too?

-Emma


	4. Day Three

Day Three

I practically jumped off your bed and ran to Peter's house as fast as I thought possible. He opened the door with red marks all along his neck, and his shirt hastily thrown on.

"Emma?" He said surprised, "what are you doing here?" I took a deep breathe and braced myself for what I was going to have to do. Before I could get a word out, a girl came and stood next to Peter, draping her arms across him, "Can we like have the pizza now, I'm getting anxious" She said, her voice filled with venom towards me and lust towards Peter. I was so dizzy. Was Peter really cheating on me? I didn't care, why should I? Peter wasn't anything special, but the thought that someone could cheat on me, just sucks. It was pure disrespect, regardless if the relationship was serious or not. I slammed the door in his fast and ran. I ended up walking through the park, thinking about my life. What did I do to deserve all of this? You were out for a drive, and saw me, swinging on the swings. Next thing I knew, I heard someone come up from behind, and sit in a swing. "What are you doing here?" I heard you whisper, but I refused to turn around. My eyes were stained with tears, and my makeup was completely smeared. Instead of acknowledging your question, I just swung dully, scraping my feet along the stones. "It's late, you know. You shouldn't be here, not by yourself" I still kept my eyes on the ground, refusing to look at you, how could I? You would see what a mess I truly was. "It's cold too, come on. I'll give you a ride home" And with that you grabbed the chain on my swing, forcing me to look up at you for the first time. You grabbed me and kissed me softly on the lips, "Can we bail now?" We held hands and walked away from the park, and into the civic; where I explained how Peter had cheated on me, and how I was at his house just to break up with him. Had it not been for Peter, maybe we wouldn't have connected. I don't know, I'm just glad I was able to ditch the Pretty Boy. You listened, something I'm sure you didn't do too often with girls. I'm sure you were using other parts of your body besides your ears to communicate with them. Not like they would have minded. You took me home and I crawled through my window. My phone rang, and I thought it was you so I answered excitedly, "Hey!". "Em… I love you. And it wasn't what you thought it was. She was nothing to me, really. You're everything to me" I was infuriated. Not only did he cheat on me, but he seriously thought an apology via the telephone would fix our relationship? I don't think I've ever hung up a phone so fast.

So I'm on my way to work this morning and I stop to get some coffee. As I'm walking out of Tim Hortons, I see none other than… Peter Stone.

"Hey, Emma" He said, casually, walking up to me as if we were best friends.

"Oh, hey Peter" I shrugged, I had nothing against him anymore, and staying mad at someone you don't care about is useless. It just drains the energy out of you.

He looked around as if someone was watching him, "Can we, talk?"

I nodded my head for some unknown reason.

"I'm sorry for cheating on you back then, I was a real asshole. You deserved better than that"

I was speechless, who would have thought Peter would apologize to me.

"You're the type of girl no guy should dream of cheating on, you're beautiful, you're smart, you're funny in a sarcastic type of way…"

I really hate it when people compliment me when they treated me like shit my whole life. Why do people find the need to be nice to you, when they know they're never going to see you again? As if it's going to change my perspective and I'm suddenly going to remember Peter as a nice guy.

"Peter, stop" I shook my head, this was just too much. Why is it that when I need a break from everything, all things happen at once? It's like stress just targets me for when I'm all worked up. It's always been that way. And now, I don't even have you around to fix things, or atleast make them a tiny bit better. You couldn't fix this stress, because I caused this stress by trying to let go of you. How pathetic is that?

"Emma, I'm just sorry for everything. And I know this isn't going to change what happened, but I'm sorry"

If he asks me out, I'm going to sit in my car for hours until the carbon monoxide poisons me to death.

"Petey, you ready?" We both turned around to see Mia Jones walk out of the gas station with a coffee in one hand and a new magazine in the other. She was the type of girl that Peter should be dating, and I don't mean that in an offensive way. But I heard all the fame got to her head. Think about it, the beautiful stunning model, and the rich pretty boy. What makes more sense than that? Oh and she's a model (one that sleeps her way to the top) and he's a photographer (one that video tapes naked drunk girls), they can make some kinky hardcore porn together, great!

Mia looked great, she was wearing some high class fashion made by designers and her hair was filled with extensions and different shades of brown. She was wearing stilettos, even just to get coffee. She was gorgeous. Another girl I could never live up to.

Mia didn't acknowledge me, not like I expected her to. We didn't hate each other in high school, but we weren't really friends either. And now that she's some famous model, why should she talk to the low scum like me? I wonder how her daughter is? I always see this films or little tidbits about Mia Jones on vh1, they'll mention Isabella, but they never mention her nowadays, just how she was brought into the world.

"Just remember that I'm sorry" Peter said, patting my shoulder while Mia stood there and tapped her designer pumps and twirled her hair, an obvious sign of boredom. Then they both walked into the car.

That was so unbelievably awkward and weird. I'm so glad Peter and I broke up.


	5. Day Four

Day 4

So where did I leave off? Oh yeah, Peter and me breaking up. So then we started to see each other more and more, and eventually you asked me out. You didn't stage a whole romantic dinner and then asked me to be you're girlfriend. You just looked at me casually one day and said, "you wanna be my girlfriend?" And it just felt so right, regardless of the way you asked. For once, I had no doubts that the guy I was dating actually wanted to be with me. (At least for the first couple of months) I was so excited when you did, it was as if nothing bad had happened in my past, with you I mean. The gonorrhea incident was forgotten, as was everything else. Our past, just didn't matter any more. We were totally different people than we were before. You apologized constantly, and I asked you to stop. I didn't mind it, and when you apologized, it just made things seem fake, like you were dating me as some sort of peace treaty. People didn't understand it, why would you be with me? Your friends practically begged you to dump me, even when I was around. They all hated me, and I couldn't blame them. They spent almost all of high school torturing me, and all of the sudden, the leader in it all was dating me? They thought I had you under some sort of mind control. They thought you needed to date a girl that was not only hot, but bad ass. One who didn't care about fighting causes, but one who created problems? My friends were confused and worried, but they were too scared to say anything when you were near, which was a lot. Jt came over to my house one day when he knew you wouldn't be there, and tried to give me a lesson on choosing the right people to date. Coming from someone who was dating Liberty? She may be my friend, but wow. Manny was the first to accept you, she saw the impact you had on me and let things go. She knew you made me happy and I made you less of an asshole, so it worked. Eventually even JT and Toby warmed up to you. And they consider you their friend, which is about the cutest thing I've ever heard. Even teachers learned to accept it, at first all the teachers would give me looks as if I were crazy, and would treat you like they were ruining Emma Nelson. They saw how you're grades improved, and mine didn't go down, and learned it was none of their business to pass judgment on us. But my parents? Well, that was something neither one of us was prepared to face. I remember the first time you came over for a family dinner, or whatever. My mom was sitting there and tried so hard to be nice, she opened the door and smiled a fake smile. Snake just kind of sat there, not really saying anything, which makes things extremely awkward, because usually my dad is the one who talks up a storm. Jack smiled at you and was excited to make a new friend. He asked you to play legos with him, and you promised you would another time. (Which you did). You were so polite to my parents, but they still didn't quite accept you, and that drove me crazy. I was always so mad at them. You did everything in your power to get them to like you, but they were holding back. It took half the year for them to warm up to you, but eventually they did, and started inviting you to family holidays and parties. This was about a year ago. Wow, we've been together for a whole year, it's crazy when you think about it. Everyone thought this was bound to fail, from the beginning. I guess it wasn't the beginning… more like the end?

I went to my parents house today, I figured it would help me take my mind off of some things, and I know it kills you every time I write that, because you would much rather have me be thinking about how horrible this idea is. The dorm was too cold, it was dark and depressing from the rain, and I couldn't stand to be there. You know how I get sometimes, and it was just one of those days where I needed to get away from things.

I walked in the door and the house smelled like chocolate chip cookies, it was wonderful.

"Emma!" Spike shrieked, "my baby! How is college? Are your classes entertaining? Are they challenging enough? How is your roommate? Did you get the money I sent in the mail? I thought you weren't coming home til December 9th? What are you doing here early? How is Jay?"

I smiled as I gave her a big hug, "One at a time, mom" My mom was one of my best friends, and not a mom-best friend but an actual best friend. I could talk to her about anything, including birth control. Thank god for that, right Jay?

She gushed and slid me a chocolate chip cookie on a plate, I couldn't remember the last time I had a homemade chocolate chip cookie. Dorm life is definitely not as exciting as everyone says it is. The food is alright, but it doesn't come anywhere near to homemade food. Even though my dorm is only an hour away, I don't visit nearly as much as I should. And that kills me, but what can I say? There's so much less drama at school. And on the weekends, I'm with you, or Manny, or someone at the university.

"Emma, honey. I'm so excited to see you" She couldn't help but smile, "So why are you looking so glum. Christmas is soon!"

"Eh, just school" I shrugged, she could see through that a mile away. I never was good at hiding how I felt from my mom, my dad, Manny or even you. Which would have made things so much easier.

She stopped putting the cookies on a plate, and sat down next to me, "What's going on?"

What should I do? Tell her the truth that my relationship is failing because of a personal choice to end it, or lie.

"I'm going to break up with Jay at the end of the week" I sighed. I swore I never saw my mom's eyes get so big. She practically worships you. They like to think you saved me form a spiraling depression, and saved them from a big fat check to the psychiatrist for mind-numbing drugs. You probably did, Jay.

"What? Why?" She asked,

"I don't know, Mom. I just feel like it's not going to work. I feel like I'm holding him down"

"How could you even begin to think that, Emma?" she said, rubbing my shoulder.

"Well, Jay got offered a really great job at this auto shop…" I began, giving time for the words to soak in, I really hadn't mentioned this to anyone before. I hope you don't mind, but I needed to let it out. Spike stood there motioning for me to go on, "But it's four hours away, in the States. And, he isn't going to take it… because of me" I sighed,

"Oh Emma," My mom hugged me, as if she knew the pain this was causing me. How could she? This was too much; I only want the best for you Jay. I don't want you to throw everything you worked for away.

"Mom, he can't ruin his future because of me! This is the job of his dreams, and he's going to say no because of me! I have to dump him, it's the least I can do for him!" I sobbed.

"Emma, I don't know what to tell you, this is a decision you have to make. But, even if you break up, are you sure he'll take the job? There are a million things to consider. Why cant you just talk to him about taking the job, and staying together. You're in college right now, and the next three years of college are just going to get harder, it might be good that he's a little further away, so you can focus on your studies. Not that he distracts you, but I'm sure you two can find a way to work this out. You do love each other right?"

I nodded, "more than anything" came out between whimpers.

"Well who knows, maybe in three years, another job will come along.."

How is that my mom can make perfect sense, sometimes. Her idea was really starting to make sense, until I got home that night. But I will mention that later.

Next came my dad, he walked into the kitchen as I was sobbing and made his typical, "Oh boy" face, before sitting down across from us.

"Hey, Em" He said, cautiously, not wanting to upset me anymore.

"Hi, dad" I whispered, "How are you?" My façade was on once again, and I could pretend to be happy around Dad. It's not like I didn't do it all through out high school.

"I'm good" I could tell he was scared to ask how I was.

For the sake of Snake's sanity, I wiped the remaining tears away and looked up at him and smiled.

"How have you been, kiddo?" He said, ruffling my hair,

"Eh, I've been busy, to say at the least. College is a lot different than Degrassi but I absolutely love it"

"That's great. How's that trouble-making boyfriend of yours doing?" Snake, said winking, this was his idea of a joke. He absolutely loves you Jay.

I choked on air, and smiled, "Good"

"He's a good kid when he gives a care" He said, watching his language in front of Jack.

"Yeah… which is why I have to dump him" I threw out casually.

More proof that my family is bonkers over you, Jay. My dad gave me the same crazed look my mom did; thus me having to explain the situation all over again.

"That's crazy, Emma! You can just stay together and have him take the job, and then stay together after college!"

I swear to god they think it is much simpler than it really is. Seriously, if it was so easy, would I be going crazy over the situation? I've been so anxious over this situation, I'm really losing it. I haven't been able to eat, or sleep.

I was sitting in my dorm room after the drive home. My roommate was gone, she's pretty absent lately, she met this new boyfriend. And I don't blame her for being gone. It's kind of a good thing; it makes studying and thinking a lot easier on my part. So I was sitting there, letting the words my mom and dad said to me, sink in. At the time they made sense, but now that I overanalyze, it's starting to seem much more difficult. Here is my list of why it will not work

**Emma Nelsons Top Five Reasons Why the Whole 'Stay Together Until After College' Plan will not work:**

**Making Sure You Take the Job**- So let's say, we talk about this all, and you agree to take the job. How did I know you actually will, what if you say it is just not available. What if, after reading this notebook, you think this job is the cause for our breakup, and refuse to take it, just to stay together? I can't take that risk with your future Jay, this is your dream.

**Long Distance Relationship – **Long Distance Relationships never work, I've read enough Cosmo to figure that one out. Even if you take the job, and move three hours away. How will we guarantee time to see each other? How will we stay together until I get out of college? How will this work, with you in a totally different environment? This leads to my next reason…

**Expecting you to remain single- **How can I expect someone as gorgeous, handsome, funny, and smart to remain single? As I mentioned already, I see the way the girls look at you. It's not like you exactly have a type in sex partners, besides 'has a vagina', and with all the hot girls around you all day, you're bound to be tempted. Even if we stay together, I cant expect you to deny every sexual encounter. It's not about trust, or love, or anything when I say this, it's about biology and chemistry. Humans are programmed to desire sex.

**What Happens after College – **so let's say, we stay together. How do we know what is going to happen after college? Lives change so much in a matter of three years. What if you figure out that I'm not the one for you? Or you get transferred to another place? What if you completely forget about me?

**Location – **So another scenario, I graduate from college, you have you're job. What now? How do I know if I want to live in the states? All my family and friends are in Toronto. And even if I want to move there, what if I can't find a job. Then what?

You see Jay, what may seem logical, can appear totally illogical after some deep consideration. And trust me; I'm really looking over the options.


	6. Day Five

**Day 5**

The year we spent together will always be one of the best years of my life. We would go for walks and stop and get ice cream. Sometimes, we'd swing in the park, our park. We didn't fight as much as we do now, only cute little fights that would end in cute little make ups. You were my protector, and didn't let anyone mess with me. You helped me through a lot. I had a time where I almost considered going anorexic again, but you convinced me that I was perfect, and you helped me. You didn't force me to eat, or make sure Manny went to the bathroom with me. You trusted me, and I wouldn't do anything to break that trust, so I didn't. I was also suffering from some intense nightmares. To think I was still not over the school shooting, and was still visualizing Rick holding that gun. You never once told me to get over it, or suck it up, something the old Jay would have done. You comforted me, and held me when I slept, causing nothing but sweet dreams. You were always my savior those days, and I feel it's time for me to do something good for you.

I know there seems to be a pattern forming, of talking this over with someone new everyday. And I'm not trying for this to be a pattern, but its just forming that way. So today, Alex. Yes, Alex the ex girlfriend, Alex. She's the one person who knows you, even better than I do, I think. Of course, you hate it when I say that. You don't like to think that you're ex-girlfriend fully understands you more than you're new one does. Anyway, she invited me in and we sat down in the living room. She didn't make me feel like Manny where I was upset to explain, she didn't respond like Spinner and shove it in my face, I didn't have to break down to tell it to her like I did with my parents, she just sat there and waited until I was ready to talk. Finally I looked up at her, and frowned, "Alex, do you think I'm doing the right thing?"

She sighed and shook her head, "Emma. Do I think you're doing the right thing? How do I even begin to answer that. _I_ don't think you're doing the right thing at all. You love Jay, and he loves you…. But, I can't tell you what to do. Obviously there is a reason for this to be happening, and you just gotta go with what you feel"

It's such an easy thing to tell someone, 'follow your heart'. But when you're actually in that position, telling yourself that is the hardest thing. If I had followed my heart, we would be together, forever. But if I followed my heart on everything, we wouldn't have ended up together in the first place, probably. So following my heart, and how I feel? Not so easy.

"Lexi!" I cried out, "Please, just give me your opinion, not the shortened version. I want to hear everything you feel about this subject, please!"

She paused for a minute, as she looked around the room. She got up out of her seat and grabbed a photo before sitting back down.

"Emma, I dated Jay for almost all of high school, and I know how much of a pain in the ass he can be. But imagine that times a hundred, and that's what it was like for me to date him. Whether either of you like to admit it or not, you've changed him. And I don't mean it in a bad way, you're not some controlling cause girl or anything. Jay just cares now. It's weird, but great. Everyone bet against you two, even me, literally, I still owe Paige five dollars. At least I had a little faith in you, Towerz bet $50. But just look at us," she said handing over a photo of her and Paige, "do you know how many times she considered dumping me? How many discussions she had to have with her friends? But she, she followed her heart. She knew she loved me, and nothing was worth losing me. At least, I think so. And don't you think it drives me crazy that she's in New York half the time, modeling some designs, or working for a spoiled bitch? Absolutely, but I knew it was worth it not to ruin this relationship and to stay together" When she was done she let out a huge breathe of air, as if this was hard for her to do.

Does that sound weird coming from Lexi? I mean, I'd always known Alex as the trashy bitch, but then she became one of my close friends due to you. But even as we grew closer, I would never in a million years have expected that to come from her mouth. It was so out of character, but it just fit like a puzzle piece into my mind. But coming from your bad ass ex-girlfriend, that must have shocked you.

I used to wish I was more like her. I felt like you were… embarrassed of me. You would bring me to these car shows, and parties with your friends and I just never fit. I would stand out, as this blond that wasn't tough at all. But Lexi, she was the type of girl someone like you would be proud to show off. She could fight, drink, steal, and look hot doing it. Kind of like someone else I know. But she always has this way to make me feel better about myself, again like someone else I know.

I thanked her for talking to me and gave her a big hug. She was a great person, and if it hadn't been for you, I would have never known that.

Then again, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't know a lot of things.

- Emma


	7. Day Six

Day 6

Things changed when I went to college, you think they didn't but they did. I was no longer living with my parents, and I was now a good hour and a half away. Well, the way you drive, an hour. But still, it was further than I've ever had to be from anyone. Why didn't I just stay in Toronto? I don't know. I went off to college, and you found a job at a garage. The job you have is great, but it doesn't nearly fit all that you can do. Not only are you a great mechanic, but you are amazing at business management, something you don't often own up to. We spent more time together than most couples who live on the same campus do. You come up to visit every single weekend, or you pick me up and I go home. Being a freshmen, it sucks that I cant have a car on campus, but it doesn't stop you. You waste all your money on gas to pick me up. Sometimes, you'll visit during the week, but it gets hard when I have homework and you have a steady job. My roommate swoons over you; she always complains how she wishes she could have a boyfriend like you. I just smile and nod, because words can't describe how thankful I am for you. But now, you're going to throw away your future, your career, your dream, just for me. It was about two weeks ago when you were offered the job, you weren't even going to tell me. I had been over at your apartment when the phone rang, and you didn't feel like talking so you made me answer it. As I was writing down the message the man on the other end told me, "It would be great If Jay were to take this job, this is a mechanic's dream." When I finished you were sitting on the couch, and I walked in casually, "So Jay, what about this job?" You groaned and ran your hands over your face, something you did often when you didn't want to talk about what was going to come up next. You told me all about the job, how the pay was great, the work was challenging enough, the benefits were amazing, but… it was four hours away. And that there was no way you were taking this job. We argued and fought for days over this, but you still refuse.

So here I am Jay, one day away from the decision and I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do. This week has gone by so, slow and so fast. Ahh, "how time can move both fast and slow amazes me", you always hated him, didn't you? You preferred your heavy metal or rap, and I deal with it because I love you. Tomorrow is the big day, huh? You're going to show up early in the morning, I know you. You probably have been through hell waiting for this decision. I would know, I've gotten more missed calls in one week than I thought I would ever get in my entire life. So what will I say to you? It's going to be so much harder to stand by my decision, if it is a no, with you there. You know I can't resist you. Biologically, Chemically, Physically, it's all there for you. I'm like high school sciences. I'm sure you won't let me just get away with it, if I dump you. I'm going to have give a long explanation. But wait! You won't be able to discuss this until you finish reading all my journals, so I've prolonged the speech. Actually, I still don't know what I'm going to do. My head is spinning, I need to dump you, for your own good. But what about for my own good? How can I live without you, Jay? Every minute I spend with you is amazing, and I've fallen head over heels in love with you. I've never said that aloud, but the writing is all the proof.

- Emma


	8. Day Seven

Day 7- Our future

??

I'm sorry, but I have to do this.

Love always, Emma.

**So, I know alot of you are going to be mad at this, but don't worry, It's not the ending! **

**New post around midnight? Just trying to keep you in suspense.**


	9. Day Nine

Day 9

There was a knock on Emma's dorm room, and she cautiously opened the door, bracing herself. Jay walked in and threw the journal on the bed, "This is bullshit" He announced, "All of it. You're not breaking up with me to save my future; you're breaking up with me because you're scared"

"Scared of what?" Emma whispered, it was as if everything she couldn't even write on a piece of paper had become clear to Jay.

He looked her into the eyes and said, "you're scared of being in love with me, you're scared of actually considering spending you're entire life with someone. Maybe you're scared because I've seen you at you're worst. But I know you're scared that you might not be right for me. And lastly, you're scared that I'm not right for you"

"That's not tru-"

"No, it is true. And I can't let this go, Emma. I don't care about a job. I don't care about anything but you, god damn why can't you see that. You're the only one who listens to me, and doesn't pass judgment when I do something stupid. And maybe I deserve this... you breaking up with me. Maybe it was too good to be true, to think that you could ever want to be with me. Everything in my life has been temporary, except for you. And I want to keep it that way. But I can't, I can't force you into a relationship you don't want to be in. I can't force you to love me. But I can let you know, I'm not going to give you up as easily as a notebook and a week to think."

"Jay, I do love you, this is all for you! Stop acting like I'm the one to blame. Neither of us are. I just want what's best for you"

"Em! Do you want me to throw out some cheesy line from a movie, "you are what's best for me", because I'll do it. And I'll mean every word I say. But please stop. You know all those teachers at Degrassi who tried to tell me how my life would turn out, that's what you're doing. You have to let me decide for myself. Did you ever think there were other reasons for not taking that job? You're 99 percent of it, but I also don't want to leave Toronto. I don't want to live in the U.S. four hours from home. I want to be right here, where I grew up."

Emma sobbed and didn't know what to say. Her heart was racing a million beats per minute, her pupils were dilated and her mouth was dry, it was as if she had just done drugs. But Jay, Jay was her drug, as cliché, as that sounds. Even in that week of sobriety, one encounter with it and she sure to be hooked.

"Hey Em! Did you understand.." Emma's roommate called out through the door, as she walked in to see an upset Emma, and a frustrated boy.

"I'm so sorry, but can you like, give us a moment" Emma sighed, rustling her hands through her hair.

"Oh my god! This is Jay, nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you" Anna smiled, happy to finally meet the fairy tale prince, Jay. At least, that's how Anna believed him to be.

"Nice to meet you too" Jay smiled, awkwardly hoping the girl would just leave so he could convince the girl of his dreams to stay with him. "But, I really need to talk to Emma, not to be an asshole or anything"

"Oh, of course!" Anna nodded her head and backed out the door, waving goodbye to Jay, and giving Emma a shy smile to try to make her feel better.

"Emma, I don't know what to say to make you stay. And if I was good at words, I'd say them all. But I'm not, I suck at speaking. I suck at expressing myself. I'm not going to some fancy college like you are, I'm stuck working to survive. Maybe that's the reason you really don't want to be with me. I'm just a mechanic, you need someone with a good salary…"

"Jason Hogart, you know money has never been an issue for me. I could survive with no money, money has no importance in a relationship for me. so shut up…"

Jay sighed once again, he was out of things to say, "Emma, there's only one more thing I can say to you and I hope you listen to it,... I love you"

Jay gave her a kiss on the lips, pushed her hair behind her ears and walked out the door. Leaving Emma's mouth as wide open as the door to her room.

"I love you too" She said, but it was too late Jay was gone. She had lost him, and she sat down on her bed, and cried her eyes out. She laid under the covers for the next hours, refusing to move. Trying to silence her cries with her pillow. Refusing to answer any phone calls from Manny, her parents, or Alex, Emma turned the phone off, and removed the battery, as if by some chance the phone could turn itself on, and answer.

-xxx-

* * *


	10. Day Sixteen

It had been a week since Jay and Emma had met, after the journal incident. Emma had never been so excited to go home, the last week was so lonely. She felt as if she was going to pull a Paige and set a dorm room on fire.

She grabbed her suitcases and headed out of her dorm room, it was winter break official, which meant Emma would spend the next month at home. She hugged her roommate goodbye, grabbed her scarf and walked out the door. She sat down at the bus stop, and started to read her book. She was so involved in her book that she didn't look up to see if her ride was there or not, she had a feeling something would tell her it was. And she was right, when she heard a loud noise emerge, she picked up her suitcases and piled them into the trunk. She climbed into the passengers seat, and prepared for the long journey home. After a few moments in silence the driver spoke up,

"You know, they had a job near Toronto after all, same company, same benefits, same pay, but a better location." He said, and she turned her head to stare at Jay, driving. She hadn't seen him since he left her in her bedroom that day, and she was missing him like crazy. It took all her strength not to lower her head and give him a little present on the way home.

"Why didn't you tell me that in the first place" she huffed,

Jay shook his head, and held on to her hand while driving with the other, "I didn't want it to be the deciding factor. If our relationship was based on a job, what would that mean? It all had to do with rather you wanted to be with me, or not"

Tears sprang up in Emma's eyes, "You act like it's so simple, Jay! It doesn't matter what I said before, I want nothing more than to be with you! I'm so sorry. Trash the journal, burn it, run it through the paper shredder, feed it to the dog, I want it gone. It has nothing significant. It shouldn't be out there anymore. It was the worst decision I've ever almost completely made in my entire life. That was coming from my head, and this is coming from my heart… I love you"

Jay smiled, "I love you too," he whispered, as he caressed her palm with his own hand, it was so hard for him to keep his eyes focused on the road when the girl he loved was sitting next to him, looking so cute with all her winter gear on.

"So, what did we learn from this whole event?" Jay laughed, reminding Emma of teachers like Ms. Kwan, who used to ask questions like that after reading passages of a novel.

Emma smirked at him, "Give Emma two weeks to make life changing decisions?"

Jay laughed a warm laugh, "Touché"

* * *

**So, it's over. I hope you liked the ending. Thanks for reading and reviewing**


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